LDRs part 2

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So, continuing on from where we left off in part 1; having frequent visits can be refreshing and can strengthen the bonds between you. More important than the quantity of visits are the traits of regularity and quality.

Knowing that you’re going to see each other once a month can make it a lot easier to weather the times when you are apart and you will tend to find that the anticipation of seeing each other will make it a whole lot easier.

Getting a life

One interesting tip which can make long distance relationships much easier is simple: have a life outside of your relationship. This doesn’t mean waking up, going to work, coming home, verging out with to and food, but rather I’m encouraging you to actively embrace your life while apart.

If you have hobbies (such as writing a sex and relationship blog), or spend time with friends seeing movies, attending events, etc, being an active participant in your own life will keep you from living *only* for your relationship and will make you grow and develop as an individual. Relationships require that you grow together, but also require you to experience personal growth and bring that experience to the relationship.

The extra positive of course is that when you build up a support network, they will be there to help you out during the difficult times. And there will be difficult times, trust me, so being able to find emotional intimacy in friends will give you people to help you break out of your rut when things get bad.

Prepare for the hard times

All relationships have their natural ebbs and flows, ups and downs, and distance only enhances these things: the good times are great, but the bad times are the worst. If you want your LDR to work, you need to expect and pre-empt this.

When you do talk to each other, resolve any issues you have, because what is a minor chip in the windscreen today could mean a broken one in six months time.

Arguing (note: not fighting) is a natural part of any relationship but the sooner you can address any issues, the better off you’ll be.

For the monogamous amongst us: you will almost certainly have issues with envy and jealousy. Monogamy being the choice not to see other people, you will realise that you and your partner both feel the temptation to do so.

You and your partner will be going months without seeing each other, while other people will be there all the time. You will both be spending time with attractive people and if you don’t have an open relationship, it will be very difficult for both of you not to slip up.

This is going to become something you will need to work on together: you are a team and need to treat these issues as something to work on together, rather than apart. And lastly…

LDRs need an end point

The most important factor in long distance relationships is that there needs to either be an end point or the hope of one. While LDRs in poly circles are more common, and we find them easier to deal with, the majority of people can only really get through knowing that it will come to an end at some point.

The promise of a future, whether it’s six months away or whether it’s a decade, becomes a pivotal point of hope to hang on to.

Much like myself, you may not know when the separation will end, but as long as you are working towards it, the sooner you can arrange it, the better off you’ll be.

The future will never be as predictable as we would like, and our lives can spin off in unexpected ways, but finding a way to come back together will mean that this absence may well make the heart grow fonder.

-LaRasa

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