By LaRasa

So we are starting to get to the point where the world will shove giant stuffed hearts down our throats, where chocolates, flowers, chocolate flowers, florets of chocolates and stuffed bears are sold in mind boggling quantities with cards which say things like ‘You are the one’, ‘be mine’ and so on.

If you’re anything like me, you will enjoy these things, but there will also be a part of you that is so sick of the annual ‘love’-fest that you earn the title of ‘the pessimist’ on some days.

It’s not that I don’t like valentines, it’s that I am so sick and tired of the rubbish that is attached to it. It occasionally feels very much like a battleground: me vs a world insisting that I need to demonstrate my love to ‘the one’ with the same cliche rubbish as everyone else.

So if you; the kinky, poly, geeky masses, are going to join me in my war on mediocrity this V-day, I urge you to follow the following survival guide:

1) KISS

“But LaRasa!” You proclaim, confused by my mixed messages, “You just said to fight mediocrity, but your first point is about the simple kiss? I don’t-”

KISS (I shall interrupt) stands for ‘Keep It Simple, Stupid’. Whenever this has been explained to me, it has been assumed that the ‘stupid’ part is an insult, but nay, say I; Nay.

In the English language, the comma can be used as a substitute for the word ‘and’, thus I urge you to keep it simple *and* stupid: Take your partner(s) out to do something silly and fun, something you wouldn’t usually do, something which is romantically un-romantic.

This Valaday one of my partners and I are going to go watch deadpool and discuss lube wrestling. It will be fun, it will be unique, it will be awesome. Follow suit & do stuff nobody else would think to do.

2) RUB

“KISS and RUB: are you sure-”

RUB! Rebel Using Brains!

Valentines is a game. The game has rules, and you need to learn the rules because this is not a game. Clear? Cool.

If we are to fight the consumerism of Valentines day, we need to use our brains. We need to identify everything that is purposefully thrown at us specifically *because* it is valentines day.

We will all need to be at the top of our game both physically and mentally to secure to the future of non-valentines day: we will have to dodge and weave through cards, gifts, messages of ‘Valentines meals’ and so on, and we will need to use our brains to identify what the alternative, better option is:

Pizza with little hearts made from pepper? Awesome if made by hand, B.S. if bought from a shop.

Heart chocolates? Fab if you spent an hour finding some made by an ethical company using raw cocoa, not as great if purchased at your local 24 hour shop on the way home.

The underlying message here? Think about what you will be doing to fight for love against consumerism!

3) FUCK.

“Oh come on! You’re clearly-” you yell, ineffectually as I cut you off.

Fun, Unique, Consensual Kink.

Buy them roses and beat them with the stems!

Whip your partner while wearing whipped cream and then have them lick it off!

And everything, everything, everything is made better with lube. Why not flavour that whipped cream with a fancy flavoured lube?

Apple Cinnamon from Nature Labs tastes like one of sliced green apples dusted with powdered cinnamon. Natural apple cinnamon aroma, cellulose thickening agent, vegan and Kosher. Does not contain parabens, DEA, glycerin or petroleum. This lube definitely takes the guilt out of your guilty pleasure.

For more information, see http://www.naturelabsbrands.com/productdisplay/naturally-yours-apple-cinnamon-0

If you prefer specific brands, sliquid do a great Blue Raspberry with a creamy taste and texture. For more info, see http://www.sliquid.com/shop/all-lubricants/sliquid-swirl-blue-raspberry-4.2oz

4) CUM

“Seriously, LaRasa? You-”

Yeah, this one is just about cumming. Make sure you make the most of all the KISS, RUB and FUCKing to ramp up the romance and whether you are solo, paired or grouped up over valentine’s weekend, that you finish with a good satisfying CUM.

Ok guys and gals, that’s all from me in this post: be foolish, happy, wild, sexy & naughty together.

If you enjoyed this piece, consider donating to the patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Hetaera as this will allow us to grow and do big, exciting, scary new things.

-LaRasa